Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
George Hobica writes, "I was on a plane recently, first class, on American, where the guy sitting next to me shook his glass as the flight attendant was passing by and said "More ice"--the FA said, "What's the magic word" and the guy said, "Oh, you mean I'm supposed to say please? I just want more ice" ... and she said, "You want more ice, it's up in the galley. Go get it yourself."
Friday, January 22, 2010
1. You Forget 90% of Your Dreams
2. Blind People also Dream
3. Everybody Dreams
4. In Our Dreams We Only See Faces, That We already Know
5. Not Everybody Dreams in Color
6. Dreams are Symbolic
8. You can have four to seven dreams in one night.
9. Animals Dream Too
10. Body Paralysis
During REM sleep the body is paralyzed by a mechanism in the brain in order to prevent the movements which occur in the dream from causing the physical body to move. However, it is possible for this mechanism to be triggered before, during, or after normal sleep while the brain awakens.
11. Dream Incorporation
12. Men and Women Dream Differently
13. Precognitive Dreams
*Precognition, also called future sight, refers to perception that involves the acquisition of future information that cannot be deduced from presently available and normally acquired sense-based information.
14. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Backward thinking: “I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?”
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
It’s caps-lock – capisce?: “HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF.”
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
Credit Crunch: “I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises”
Oh, that’s normal. Your system is just waiting for you to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
Mousin Around: “My mouse stop working every time i lift it up from the table why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers”
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer–slowly and distinctly–that you need the Air Mouse 3000 upgrade. You’ll be good in no time.
Technical Dificulties: “I’ve been asked to write an application in my own handwriting….? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do you know any?”
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: “Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?” The response: “Not that we know of.”
It’s all in the details: “I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?”
Wait a minute–does this assignment also require original ideas?
Unknown nuptials: “Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?”
I’ll take “questions asked after a night in Vegas” for $500, Alex.
A sticky subject: “Where can i buy a really big jar of peanut butter?”
If this is from the same guy who asked the previous question, I’m getting concerned.
Fruit frets: “I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?”
That all depends on whether you swallowed any seeds. If you did, be very careful not to eat any dirt or drink any water for the next two weeks.
Fat chance: “How do i become obese fast? I want to look good by the end of the year.”
You can start by eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until you figure out what “obese” means.