Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Test Your News IQ Score
Test your news IQ score. Compare your results with other people who took the quiz.
I got 11 out of 12 correct.
I got 11 out of 12 correct.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Policeman VS. Teacher
What do you do when you're a policeman and you're being sent to a school to check out a situation about an aggressive female teacher and when you get there she's all bitchy and she slaps you? You do what any other policeman would do. You slap her back!
Via
Via
Political Correctness
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as’HILLBILLIES.’ You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘ BREASTED AMERICAN. ‘
2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..’
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘ VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘ LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘ OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘ INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE!’
Via
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as’HILLBILLIES.’ You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘ BREASTED AMERICAN. ‘
2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..’
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘ VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘ LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘ OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘ INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE!’
Via
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Riddle
Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”
”Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. ”Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me.”
”Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
”I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men’s room and recognized Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall.
Biden asked Powell, “Colin, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yelled back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!”
Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It is Colin Powell!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,
”No! you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
Via
”Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. ”Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me.”
”Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
”I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men’s room and recognized Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall.
Biden asked Powell, “Colin, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yelled back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!”
Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It is Colin Powell!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,
”No! you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
Via
Monday, February 1, 2010
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